KeepnItKosher

I think I’ve cried enough tonight. Sometimes it’s nice being told what you really already knew. I’ll sleep on it, but I don’t know when I’ll be getting to bed.

Things have been so amazing these past couple of weeks, and I honestly don’t know what happened today. I was feeling some type of way, and I guess I let that get the best of me. I tried to be happy for her because she does make me happy. I just wasn’t feeling it today. And my apology just made it worse, I guess. She said she’d message me, she said she’d call back, but I do not see myself getting either of those tonight. Now I’m going to be up worried about her, about us. I don’t have any idea how she’s feeling, except she’s mad at me. I thought she wanted a fun, loving, not giving a shit relationship, and that’s all I’ve been giving her. I haven’t been tripping about anything, and I’m still not tripping about anything. If I mention something, it’s not because it’s bothering me, it was just on my mind. I didn’t mean to make it seem like a slap in the face or anything because she’s seriously been the best girlfriend I have ever had, and I’d tell her that if she’d talk to me. Oh, well. I hope she has fun tonight.

I feel as though me and my feelings will always be the after thought. That’s how I’ve been feeling. I’ve figured it out.

I’m not allowed to take ten minutes to reply, but it’s perfectly okay for her to take an hour. Alright, that’s cool too. -______-

And people think I’m joking when I say she doesn’t care about me. Aha.

I’m Not Saying I’m In Love, But..

I think that when you’re in love, you just become more insecure and self conscious about every little thing. You do wonder if someone else’s hug is better than yours. You do wonder that while they’re the first and last thing on your mind everyday, if it’s the same for them with you. You wonder if their feelings are as strong for you as yours are for them, even if they do tell you that it is. And if that is the case, you wonder if those feelings are always going to be the same, keep getting stronger, or fade away. Because what can fuck up a person more than them being in love with someone who is not in love with them, is if someone who was once in love with them telling them that they no longer are. That’s why sometimes when people are actually in love, that real, true, deep, hurt you way past your skin and flesh and bones to your soul type of in love, they may seem just a tad bit crazy with being overly protective and overly insecure and overly self conscious, it’s because the first time when they weren’t, it didn’t end so well. And if they never have before, it’s because they want to make sure that it doesn’t ever end. But I think that’s what love is, being crazily passionate about something.

Something I Will Probably Never Tell Her

Last thing I say about us until you decide what you want: I don’t know if this could be another test for you to see if I’m going to give up on you or not or maybe you’re just really not sure if things will work out between us. But something I do know is that you find it hard to believe that someone can want you as much, as badly, and as long as I’ve wanted you. But there is, I do, and I will. And I’m honestly willing to wait until you decide what you want, because you aren’t holding me back from anything except showing you the love and affection I think you deserve but that you might not necessarily think you need. I know you don’t need me to be happy, but like I said, I want to be there for you on the days where you might just want to feel loved. On the days where your finger tips might feel lonely. On the days where your lips might crave a kiss. On the days where your skin and body long to be touched. Or on the days where you need to be reminded of just how beautiful, how loved, how cared for, and how wanted you really are. And honestly, baby, I know that you will never have days like that with me. I can promise you that the worst that you’re expecting to happen from me never will happen, but I can’t force you to believe that. You have to forget about what can go wrong, and take the chance and see all that can go right. And people always say that you shouldn’t tell someone this, but I will never hurt you. I pinky promise. Well..that’s all I really wanted to say so..bye, I guess.

nostalgically-nostalgic:

I promise.
You’re worth everything I have to offer, and that’s nothing less than the best that I could give you.
You don’t deserve the worst, and you shouldn’t be expecting that.
What you’re “used to” and what I will do are two completely different things.
I just need you to believe that you’re worth it all.

Haven’t talked to my dad in a week.

My girlfriend has barely talked to me in almost four days.

One of my closest friends is afraid to open up even to me.

My eyes hurt.

Too many people have seen me cry this week.

I’m slipping in school again.

I don’t even know what’s going on in my life in regards of anything.

Fml, honestly. You can have it.

I was so happy yesterday, and it all changed so quickly.

Why do I have to be so damn insecure?

I can’t believe I said that to her. I always fuck things up with the people who mean the most to me.

I know she said it was just a break and that she isn’t saying we’re breaking up, but it sounded like she already made up her mind.

I said I didn’t care, and that was the biggest damn lie.

Nothing I can do now. I’ll give her the space that she wants, and if it turns out she’s happier without me, I can’t do anything about it.

I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

If we get past this, I know I would do everything in my power to make sure neither of us will feel this way again. That’s even if she even feels anything remotely close to how I’m feeling, which I can’t help but doubt.

There’s no way we could have already reached our climax..

I wish I could skip my birthday.

Because the day of, people can make you feel so wanted, and needed, and special, and loved. But come the next day, no one is even thinking about you or missing you or trying to be considerate of your feelings.

Babe,

I just hope you know that I’m trying to do the best that I can. I’ve gotten a lot better at not letting the little things bother me, and it’ll take a tad bit longer for me to perfect it. I just hope you’re able to stick with me because in the end, I know we will be good. You’ve taught me how to be patient, but I have a lot more learning yet to do. I’m trying. I promise you, I’m trying.

Feeling like everything I say or do just so happens to be wrong. It’s just that I don’t think she realize how hard it is to get over her. I’m not worried about her getting feelings for her again (even though that is a possibility too), but that girl is sure to gain more feelings again, and what is she going to do about that then? I bet that wasn’t even put into consideration. She might think it’s just keeping their friendship together, but I bet you she thinks that it’s opening the door for another chance with her. That’s what I’m concerned about. God, sometimes I wish she wasn’t wanted by seemingly freaking everybody, but it makes me happy to know that when everybody wants her, at the end of the day, I’m still who she wants to be with. I’m glad the girl is mine, and I’m beginning to worry less about that changing.

What I “should be” and what I am aren’t the same fucking thing.

Can’t be trusted.